If you're just starting to learn meditation, either as part of a guided meditation group or by yourself, you sit for five or ten minutes each session; try to sit every day at the same time, morning or evening, whatever suits you best. You let the daily five to ten minutes to expand to fifteen or twenty minutes when the weeks go by, but you never try and force the pace.
Meditation isn't about gritting the teeth in tenacity. It's about sitting peacefully with yourself, and although it involves its own kind of discipline this has nothing to do with toughness than with yielding and letting go.
When the inevitable thoughts or emotions turn up, you let them to pass into and out of consciousness like clouds reflected in water. You don't attempt to push them away, but leave them to move of their own accord. No matter how 'important' the thinking seem to be or how desperate or disturbing the sentiments, you don't hang on to them or enable one thought or emotion to set off another and another until you are off on a wool-gathering path that takes you far away from the simple matter of the breathe in and breathe out.
If, nevertheless, you do lose control, gently but firmly return to your breathing the moment you realize this has happened. Avoid being intolerant with yourself or persuading yourself you'll never learn how to meditate. Your deviating mind is simply demonstrating to you just how much you should practice your meditation techniques. It is helping you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thinking. The right response is gratitude, thankfulness towards that part of your mind that has recognized the fact that you are wool-gathering and that has reminded you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot overstate how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you curse yourself each time you become aware you are distracted in thought, you will not only be arousing the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be conditioning your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it each time for reminding you, and surely it doesn't like being punished. So it will point out to you less and less often, and you will find concentration becomes harder and harder. In response to the dissatisfaction that this brings, your mind will then start whispering persuasively to you that meditation is a total waste of time, and that you would be well advised to find something better to do with your time.
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